January 3, 2015

The club listings this week are slim and also full of past winners, so what a good time for another retrospective! We'll take a look back at favorites from Square Pig's second year, in two categories: Names that are still Hands-Down Brilliant and Bands that have Been on a Bill with Your Mother Should Know. I'm too lazy to limit it to just five or put them alphabetical order, so we'll go with chronological. Here's what I had to say way back when:

Hands-Down Brilliant

The Peculiar Pretzelmen 
[October 29, 2011] This is either an obscure Victorian science fiction title or one of my kid's Blood Bowl teams. I  like it either way. How could pretzelmen be anything but peculiar?

We Were Promised Jetpacks
[November 12, 2011] I have an enduring soft spot for the past's vision of the future. We have near-instanteous global communication that some use to complain that we don't have jetpacks and flying cars. Meanwhile, I have at least 10 household lasers and I'm typing on a tiny yet powerful computer connected wirelessly to every other computer in the house and to the Internet. I admit it -- it's the future. [N.B. Especially now that it's 2015].

The Aimlows
[December 10, 2011] This one has great slacker cred. I like the celebration of low expectations.


The Outer Space Heaters 
[March 24, 2012] I've always thought "space heater" was an awfully cool name for a pretty mundane object. Now I see why.

Future Rainbow Lazer
[May 19, 2012] The best hippie/sci-fi baby name ever.


White Orange
[June 9, 2012] A rare color in the really large crayon box? A mutant citrus? The latest flavor of Altoids? I plan to go hear these guys tonight at the Funhouse, along with Square Pig favorites Ancient Warlocks and Pouch, plus Antique Scream. Should be a great time! [N.B. It was. Deafening, but great.]

Author and Punisher
[September 1, 2012] One of the least pleasant parts of writing fiction is being cruel to your characters. Then again, sometimes they deserve it.

Trampled By Turtles
[September 8, 2012] I love this image, because of the slow speed. Anything heavy enough to do any damage, you could just roll out of the way. I picture some poor dude, passed out and engulfed by turtles. [N.B. Since this post, I have invented a fictional band called Plague of Turtles, no doubt inspired by this image.]

Icky Blossoms
[September 15, 2012] I like the word "icky." Then there's the apparent disconnect with "blossoms," typically a nice, non-icky concept. Are they poisonous? Stinky? Rotting and slimy? Or a gift from a loathed one? I'm intrigued.

Boys Like Girls
[October 28, 2012] This could have at least two meanings, both equally likely.



Been on a Bill with Your Mother Should Know
 
Black Plastic Clouds
[November 5, 2011] As if black clouds weren't threatening enough! Any mention of black plastic reminds me of the ultimately ineffective weed barrier the previous owner of our house used in the front yard. We were digging pieces of black plastic out of the ground for years.

The Tailenders
[February 25, 2012] This name implies a kind of loser pride, not ashamed to bring up the rear, hang off the back, sweep up the leavings -- and maybe kick off the after-party, when the real fun happens.

Youth Rescue Mission
[February 25, 2012] Sing it with me: "My life was saved by rock and roll."

The Belmont Whips
[June 28, 2012] This one gets in because I recognized the Castlevania reference all by myself.

The Ancients
[August 11, 2012] I probably wouldn't pick this name out of the listings, but it fits perfectly the band's wildly theatrical Adventure Metal genre. These guys would be right at home with a tiny Stonehenge on stage.


Tyrannosaurus Grace
[August 11, 2012]This is one of those names that just sounds right. I don't know what it is -- some kind of Wesleyan dinosaur, I guess -- but I like it.



My fiction and blogging projects collide in "St. Rage," now available as the 13th release in the Pankhearst Singles Club. This story of an all-girl teenage garage band with superpowers is short, it's funny, and it's only $ .99. If you like "St. Rage," please like St. Rage on Facebook and go listen to their first demo.

UPCOMING: Your Mother Should Know album release show, with Tom Price Desert Classic, Can You Imagine?, and Dead Bars  Friday, January 23 at the Highline Bar. I'd want to go to this show even if I wasn't playing! https://www.facebook.com/events/374070109426331/